Not too sure how this one is going to turn out. I am sitting here at my CPU. I should be in bed. I am coming to the end of another long week. I am acutely aware of the fact that trials are the best thing for me, but man I would much rather not put up with them.

James 4 keeps coming to mind these days. There is certainly a lot of things that I would like to have, maybe even want to have. Then there is this on particular thing that I REALLY WANT. And so far, nada. My faith is at least deep enough to be able to dismiss the little whispers of "If God was really good He'd give you whatever you wanted." Maybe its not even my faith, but the fact that I work in a Christian school and I see the result of parents who never tell their child "NO!"

What is most amazing to me about the thing that I want so bad is that it is a good thing. Really, honestly, truly. I would even go so far as to say that what I want is biblically something I should want. But that really isn't what amazes me. What really amazes me is that I am so depraved, so fallen, so twisted, so un-human that I can take this really good thing and want it so much that it becomes wrong.

Maybe we all need to read James 4 with a little more candor. Lets be a bit more real about our situation. What is it that I want so bad, that isn't God, that if I don't get, I can promise you I will sin about it. So what! I mean it's not my neighbor's wife that I want that bad. Its not untold riches that I desire to the point of committing sin to attain. It something that in just about any other situation God would smile on in delight.

Yet it is this very thing that God has seen fit to expose my own vileness with. Lord help me! help us! help us to be wretched and mourn. Help us to gain a proper understanding of who we really are. Lord, then give us the grace to change. Give us the grace to over come. Lord help us to trust that every thing you do is good. You cannot do evil or wrong. Help us to apply the truth about You and your Word to the specific and vile parts of our lives.

Lord help us to humble ourselves before You, so that we will be exalted by You and You alone. Lord you know... you know...